For a lonely soul you're having such a nice time
by keffys
Summary: When they are twenty three, Blair meets Dan. Well, Dan collides with Blair. — AU. Future fic. D/B, with mentions of a lot of other pairings. —hiatus.
1. cinder and smoke

**Disclaimer: **The character are not mine.

**Summary:** When they are twenty three, Blair meets Dan. Well, Dan collides with Blair. — AU. No, but really, alternative universe.

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**1 - Cinder and Smoke.**

_(This is kind of a funny story._

_But we're no there yet.)_

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_I love a good party, specially those parties where a secret is revealed._

_._

The party is too loud and Blair has headache but she pretends she's enjoying herself. Beside her Nate is smoking, the smoke whirling in front of her, the cinder falling in her dress, the smell plaguing her nose; the champagne is good, but she has the last flute between her fingers, she's not in the mood for a scotch, the vodka is not actually _that _good and there's no way she's drinking beer.

The moment Dan collides with her, Blair's night goes from bad to worse in just two hours. Cue to Daniel Humphrey, from Brooklyn, getting tangled up in his own shoes and falling to the floor taking Blair Waldorf, Upper East Side's Queen B, with him. Oh, _god_, the horror.

"What were you thinking?" she spats, "Who _the fuck _are you?" Blair Waldorf is always proper and polite, and obscenities don't have the privilege to grace her heart-shaped lips very often, so when she utters the F word, people _know_ that this isn't going to get pretty.

Nate looks bored, though, still smoking while watching his fiancée, sitting on the floor, in a mess of tangled limbs with a complete nobody. He must be stoned (or looking at Serena Van der Woodsen, who is dancing on top of a table, shaking her hair and touching her own neck, with her eyes closed, singing along without knowing the lyrics and so drunk that she might pass out if she drinks another glass of vodka).

"Dan Humphrey," he answers, "Sorry."

She glares, "Well, _Humphrey_, what are you doing here? This party is only for Constance and St. Jude's alumni."

"Uhm, well, I went to St. Jude's," he mumbles.

"_You_ went to high school with us? With that clothes and_ that_ disgusting hair?" she refutes, because she can't believe it.

"I liked to be anonymous, and I am not precisely in your social circles, _Your Majesty,_" he rolls his eyes.

"Humphrey," she frowns.

"What?!"

"Get off me."

Oh, _oh_.

.

It's twelve o'clock when she finds him, again, at the bar. She doesn't really like his Brooklyn vibe but she's curious about something. And Blair Waldorf always has to know everything that's going on.

"Your last name sounds familiar," she states, trying to remember why. He sips his scotch, without ice, and he nods.

"Jennifer Humphrey," he answers, "Your minion, my sister,"

"She was my minion for _two_ weeks, and then she decided she didn't want that life. She is Chuck Bass' impossible mission, too," she adds, "I am so proud of her; there must be only two girls in Constance that didn't sleep with him,"

"You and her, I guess," he shrugs.

"I am glad you have faith in me," she smiles bitterly, "but no. Those two girls are Little J and Serena."

"Serena?" he asks, baffled.

"Van der Woodsen," she specifies. He shakes his head.

"No, no. I _know_ who she is," he answers, "It's just that I caught those two having sex in the Psychology classroom in our Senior Year, three weeks after Prom."

Blair drops her wineglass, it shatters in the floor and her face is the perfect picture of pure horror. "Senior year?" she chokes out. He nods and Blair explodes, walking fast to where Chuck Bass is standing with his wife, a French girl called Eva, and he follows her.

"You disgusting cheating _bastard_!" she yells, hitting him on the arm. "How could you!? _Why_ would you!?"

"Blair, what are you talking about?" he asks, confused, and then he turns to Eva, "I _swear_ this must be something from my past, there's no one in my life right now. I only have eyes for you."

"You had sex with Serena Van der Woodsen, of-_fucking_-course!" she cries, "Because she _can't_ resist my boyfriends, or fiancées for that matter, and they can't resist her long legs and fucking _shining_ blonde hair!"

Serena is now behind her, standing next to Dan. She looks nauseous, like she's going to vomit. "B, I am sorry, I didn't want to hurt you. We were _drunk_ at the white par-"

"Wait a second!" she turns to face Serena, "It happened _more_ than one time?"

"No, no, I promise it was only once, B, please forgive me," she's crying now, her legs shaking, but she still looks every bit the perfect runway model.

"It was _at least_ twice. At the White Party and in the Psychology classroom," she spats, "It probably happened in his bed, in your bed in my penthouse; fuck, I bet you did it in _my_ bed!"

"Blair, I am really sorry…" she starts.

"No!" the brunette screams, "I am done with this. I'm done with you and your _friendship _that includes fucking my first boyfriend, who is now my fiancée, and my high school boyfriend. I now you and Nate are having an affair, I discovered it last night because you weren't exactly quiet when you were fucking in the couch of his apartment, and I was going to break my engagement tomorrow," she says, "I can't believe you keep doing this, Serena! You even went out with Carter Baizen, my ex boyfriend, _three_ days after we broke up. And let's not talk about you trying to seduce fucking Prince _Boring_ from Monaco when he came to the penthouse to pick me up for _our_ date," she dries her tears, "I hate you!"

"I hate you too! You always get_ everything_ I want!" Serena retorts. "I fell for Nate first!"

"I fell in love with Nate when I was _five_! You had a crush on him at nine!" she argues. "And look who is talking, Miss I-was-accepted-in-Yale-Brown-and-Columbia-for-batting-my-fucking-_fake_-eyelashes!"

Nate throws his cigarette to the floor and runs to hug Serena and she cries into his shoulder. And, to everybody's surprise, Blair Waldorf takes Dan Humphrey's hand before storming out of the party.

.

_Oh, I'm always up for some drama and this is going to be the hottest scandal since Blair's not-pregnancy._

_You know you love me,_

_XOXO, Gossip Girl._


	2. your dress smells like champagne

Thank you very much for all your reviews and alerts! I'm glad you liked it. It caugh my attention that you like that Serena is bad in this one; she's not completely bad, she has her own reasons (I'm not saying her reasons are logical or the right reasons, but she thinks she's not at fault in this story), she's not the devil in this fanfic, but she's not going to be an angel. I love a catfight with B and S, to be quite honest.

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**2 – Your dress smells like champagne.**

_(What are we doing here?)_

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"So, I guess Chuck Bass was your boyfriend in senior year?" he asks without looking at her while they walk around the city.

"Why would you say that, _genius_?" she rolls her eyes. "Yeah, we were together but his father didn't approve, so we kept us a secret," she explains. "Serena will never change," she huffs, "She was always libertine, and I hated it, but having sex with her step-brother, _ew_, and when he's her best friend's boyfriend! That has to be the _less_ classy thing she's ever done."

He laughs, "I remember her from this party, she was drunk, _so drunk _that I asked her name and she said it was Sabrina," he shakes his head, "And she kept calling me Dave. Then she started dancing on top of the bar, screaming something like _'I want to have seeeex!', _dragging out the last syllable, and then she asked me to fuck her in front of everyone. I think she said, _C'mon, lover boy, fuck me right there on top of that table_, and then she passed out."

"Well, that _is _the less classy thing she's ever done," she giggles, "But she's Serena, that's probably the trashiest thing that _I know_ she did."

"Before that night I thought she was beautiful, my dream girl, the goddess with the angel heart, you know?" he chuckles, "but I am not one to fall for drunk girls asking for sex, pole-dancing while screaming about sex."

"Oh, really?" she deadpans, "So, what? You go to museums or libraries hoping that some girl is going to be there, reading your favorite book or staring at one of your favorite paintings," she says, "I don't think so, Brooklyn."

"Actually, I do," he confesses. "I want to meet my perfect match, someone I can have an actual conversation about art, movies, my favorite books and her favorite music," he tells her, "I want to fall in love with my best friend."

"You are such a _girl_," she scoffs.

"Don't tell me you don't want that," he says, truly surprised.

"I never thought about it," She admits, "I never had a male best friend, it was always Serena."

"There was a time when I had a crush with my best friend, Vanessa," she replies, "But she left, and the truth is that it didn't hurt _that_ much. It wasn't real love."

"You are so cheesy," she laughs. "For a boy, it's a nice change."

"This night was interesting," he says.

"Oh, yes, it started to get better when you caused that the last flute of champagne ended in my dress," she utters, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"The smell of champagne suits your scent," he compliments, "It gives charm to the already lovely Chanel No. 5," he winks.

"How did you know?" she asks, amazed.

"You wear the same perfume you used in high school," he shrugs, "I remember that Jenny told me about this girl, Blair, wasting her precious Chanel in Rachel Carr's coffee."

"That bitch," Blair mumbles. He raises his eyebrows.

"My sister?" he shots back.

"No, _silly_, Rachel Carr," she states, "I am not her biggest fan and she doesn't love me either."

"I think she had a crush on me," he jokes, "because I helped her one time her books fell to the floor."

"And how could she resist the Humphrey appeal?" she teases back.

.

Lying in bed together, Nate caresses Serena's shoulder while she tells him all about her affair with Chuck. Their legs are tangled and their chests are pressed against each other, and she's smiling even if her eyes are sad.

"I don't know why I did it," she confesses, "Maybe she's right, maybe I just want her boyfriends for myself."

"You are not like that," he answers.

"I am, Natie," she cries, "I wanted you, then I wanted Carter and I wanted Louis too!" she adds, "I didn't want Chuck but I still did it."

"It's okay to want things, Serena," he rolls his eyes, "but I'd rather stop talking about your exes."

"You are the only one I've ever loved."

.

"Normally I'm not like that, you know," she says after awhile, "I am always cool and collected, but tonight I lost my temper. It's just… _Serena_… she's always taking things away from me. Last night I found her having sex with Nate and tonight I found out that she had sex with Chuck when we were a couple. It was too much," then she adds, "And this magnificent dress was ruined by some Brooklyn hipster and it just kept getting _worse_."

"It is a splendid dress," he agrees, "but it's not ruined."

"Oh, it _is_," she frowns.

"Blair, I just have a question," he says swiftly.

"What should you do with your hair?" she delivers, "You should cut it and try to use less… whatever _revolting_ hair gel you are using."

He laughs softly, and then, "Why did you take my hand at the party?"

"What?"

"You took my hand and we walked out of the party," he details.

"No, no, no, _no, no_, I didn't," she says rapidly, "You, y- You followed me!"

"Yeah, _right_," he mocks, "Of_ course_ I did that, how could I forget?"

She smiles, pleased, "You should make an appointment with a neurologist," she concedes, "Your memory loss is aggravating."

.

Beat, then, "What are we doing _here_?"

"_This_ is my penthouse, Daniel Humphrey," she explains, "And we are going to see a movie."

"What?" he asks confused.

"Actually," she corrects herself, "We are going to see _the _movie."

He cocks an eyebrow, "_The _movie? Is that so?"

"Breakfast at Tiffany's with the divine Audrey Hepburn," she clarifies. He raises both eyebrows.

"Really? And why are _we_ watching a movie? Please, enlighten me."

"To have stimulating conversation," she answers, "I am_ horribly_ stressed and it's in part your fault; you should watch this amazing movie with me and then tell me your opinion about it, without using the words _girly _or _cliché_, don't you think?" she smiles, "And then we are even, no more movies or walks around the city," she shrugs.

"Is that it, Blair?" he asks worried about her, because she looks sad even if she doesn't want to show it.

"Yes, that's it," she nods.

(_I don't want to be alone, Humphrey, _she thinks and he hears the words she didn't say).


	3. let them eat cake

Thanks for all your lovely reviews!

Someone suggested in the reviews longer chapters, but I can't really do that. See, I'm not really good with my english, and it's easier for me to do short chapters, especially since I like to write with a lot of dialogue and little narration — like a tv show, you hear the conversations but don't really know what are they thinking at the moment (even if sometimes I write about what's on their minds too). Oh, in this chapter we get to see three characters that we didn't see in the first two chapters. Also, keep in mind what I said in the summary: This is a Dan/Blair fic with mentions of a lot of other pairings (I still don't know who is going to be endgame in this story, except obviously Dan and Blair). You'll see.

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**3 – Let them eat cake.**

_(Dorota vs. Blair: Who's going to lose?_

_Dan Humphrey, of course)._

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Opening her eyes, Blair looks to her bedside table to see that it's eight o'clock. Nate's warm body is holding her and she smiles at the feel of his arms around her waist, thrilled that-

Wait a second.

"What are you doing here, Humphrey!?" she hisses.

He groans, "Please tell me I didn't fall sleep in your house, Blair," he begs, rubbing his eyes.

"Oh, unfortunately, you did," she rolls her eyes, "You fell sleep in _my bed!_" she pushes him out of the bed "You _have_ to get out of here before Dorota comes in to wake me up or else she will think I'm a slut," she demands.

"Dorota?" he asks confused.

"My maid, you idiot!" she says, "I want you gone, _now_!"

Dan is looking for his jacket when they hear a knock on the door, "Miss Blair, are you awake?"

"Bathroom!" she whispers, pointing at the white door. "Yes! Yes, Dorota, I'll be downstairs in two minutes!" she answers, a little more relieved when she hears Dorota walking away from her bedroom.

And less than a minute after that, she hears a scream coming from her bathroom.

"Who are you?" Dorota says, "What are you doing on Miss Blair's bathroom? Are you a serial killer or a rapist?" she narrows her eyes.

"No, _no_, Dorota, he's Daniel Humphrey, he's a friend of mine. He had to crash in the guest room last night. It's not a big deal, right?" she says hurriedly, but Dorota still looks suspicious.

"Why are you so jumpy?" she inquires.

"It's nothing, nothing! You're just paranoid, Dorota, and dramatic!" she answers, a little too fast to seem true.

"You and Mr. Humphrey are having an affair!" she screams, surprised and accusative.

"We are not!" they say in unison.

.

The phone rings and Rufus picks up, "Hello?"

"Dad, I'm so glad you answered!" Jenny says, a smile playing on her lips.

"Jen, how are you? When are you going to visit your old man? Things are lonely here," he asks.

"Actually, I called to tell you that I'm coming back," she announces, "I'm getting married."

.

"Mr. Humphrey must eat breakfast with us, Miss Blair," Dorota says, "It's the traditional social procedure."

"I don't care about social procedures, he has to go!" she yells. Dorota raises her eyebrow, "Well, _of course_ I care about social procedures, but that doesn't change the fact that he's not having breakfast here!"

"He's so thin; he has to eat something!" Dorota fires back.

"Thin!? Dan Humphrey is _not_ thin," Blair rolls her eyes, "Are you delusional? Or blind, maybe?"

"Maybe I should go," Dan says, rubbing his neck.

"No!" Blair shouts, "You will stay right there, Brooklyn nuisance!"

"Ha! I win!" Dorota roars in delight, "You said he had to stay!"

"That's not what I meant!" she complains and Dorota shakes her head.

"Too late," she finished, dragging Dan to the dining room.

.

Serena wakes up to the sound of her phone ringing. She disentangles herself from Nate's half-naked body and walks to the living room before answering.

"Carter?" she asks, a little uncertain. They aren't exactly in friendly terms since their break-up (labeled as The Nastiest Break-up of 2009 by Gossip Girl), even if they learned to be less hostile to each other as time passed.

"Serena!" he laughs, "I'm glad you answered the phone," he adds as an afterthought.

"Why are you calling me?" she huffs, "How did you get my number?"

"Georgina Sparks, obviously," he shrugs, even if she can't see him. She rolls her eyes.

"Are you still dating her, Carter, seriously?" she inquires in disbelief.

"Oh, god, _no_! I never _dated _her, I just _had sex _with her!" he answers, genuinely offended.

"Why are you calling me?" she insists.

"I'm on the city right now; please let's get lunch together this Saturday."

"No," she says, "I'm dating Nate, I'm not available."

"Dear lord, aren't you a little conceited? I don't want to _date_ you, I just want to catch up, see how's your life," he corrects, mocking her, "And I have a girlfriend too, she's quite lovely. She's lovelier than Nate Archibald and his smoking habits."

"Aren't you a little forgetful? Seems like you don't remember you two used to be best mates, smoking, getting drunk and stoned together everyday."

"I'm clean since _that_ day, Serena, _unlike_ him," he says, and suddenly the air feels heavier in her lungs.

"_Don't_ talk about it!" she shouts.

"Serena, please, I just want lunch, maybe share some cake. You can bring Nate; I was actually going to suggest a double date."

"I'll let you know," she agrees, "I have to tell Nate first."

.

"I hope you liked your pancakes, Mr. Humphrey," Dorota says, smiling at him.

"They were really exquisite, Dorota; and, please, call me Dan," he smiles.

Blair huffs, "Don't call him Dan," she says, "He's not going to come back, anyways."

"I thought you said he was a friend," Dorota narrows her eyes at her.

"No, you must be deaf, I said _acquaintance_," Blair shrugs.

"Your acquaintances don't sleep in your spare rooms, Miss Blair," she adds, "Only friends can stay at the penthouse, it's your golden rule."

"We are not friends! I met him last night!" she defends herself. Meanwhile, Dan's phone rings.

"Did you plan on watching Breakfast at Tiffany's with him sometime in the future?" Dorota asks, trying to fish for information about their relationship. Blair looks guilty. "You already watched it!"

"No, we didn't!"

"I'm sorry to break it for you, Miss Blair, but you only watch your favorite movie with your friends. It's another one of your rules."

"No, we are not friends! I swear!" she yells.

"You are getting married!?" Dan shouts, "I didn't even know you had a boyfriend! Jenny, are you mad!?"

That gets Blair's attention, because there was a popular rumor in high school that Jenny Humphrey was a lesbian because she never had a boyfriend. While she watches Dan fighting with Jenny about being too young (get a grip, Humphrey, she's twenty one, it could be worse), she notices that his bone structure is quite interesting, especially his jaw.

"And _who the fuck _is Carter Baizen!?" he asks, flabbergasted, "Is that supposed to ring a bell or what?"

.

_Well, even _I_ didn't see that one coming._

_XOXO, _

_Gossip Girl._

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HIATUS: This story will be finished sooner or later, but I started classes and I don't have time.


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